


That You Cannot Kneel

by Maeve_of_Winter



Category: The Trixie Belden Mysteries - Julie Campbell Tatham & Kathryn Kenny
Genre: Apologies, Emotionally Damaged Dan, Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-09-26 22:08:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17149955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maeve_of_Winter/pseuds/Maeve_of_Winter
Summary: After the argument about International Pine in “The Mystery at Maypenny’s,” Jim goes to apologize to Dan.





	That You Cannot Kneel

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kristophine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kristophine/gifts).



_“Never believe you're so great or important, so right or proud, that you cannot kneel at the feet of someone you hurt and offer a humble, sincere apology.”_

― Richelle E. Goodrich

* * *

Jim did his best not to put himself in positions where he needed to apologize all that often. Not out of ego, but as a conscious effort to rein in his temper—he knew he had a short fuse, and now that he was older, he did his best to try to control it. Still, he knew he tended to let his anger get the better of him sometimes, usually at one of Trixie’s harebrained schemes or an oh-so-superior adult who was being rude or condescending.

But when he went to apologize to Dan, it wasn’t because of losing his temper. It was because he’d very nearly lost Dan as a friend.

Truthfully, Jim didn’t really feel that he’d been wrong when the debate about International Pine had swept through town. Battle lines had been drawn, and he and Dan had just so happened to end up on opposite sides.

But he needed to give Dan an apology, he knew, if only to make sure things were right between them. Dan, always distant, always remaining on the edge of their group of friends, was pulling away more than ever, and Jim knew he could be swept away forever if no one pulled him back in.

Knowing that Dan valued his privacy, Jim waited until he could get him alone. And since Dan had become the latest member of the Wheeler staff for Trixie to foist Bobby off onto while she received an allowance for supposedly babysitting him, Jim went over to the Belden house the next time Dan got stuck there on daycare duty.

“Wow, it’s quieter than I expected,” Jim remarked as Dan let him in. He looked around curiously. “I figured Bobby would be wreaking havoc, given that he basically has free reign right now.”

“Me and Bobby are playing hide and seek,” Dan explained briefly, leading Jim to the TV room and fluidly seating himself on the sofa. “He hides, and then I wait for him to get bored and come find me.”

Jim let out an amused scoff. “Nice babysitting.”

Dan sent him a cold smile. “It’s my day off, I do this all the time to help Trixie, and she’s never once offered to share her allowance with me for it. So sue me.”

Grabbing the remote, he flicked off the movie he’d been watching. Jim didn’t recognize it, but the TV guide at the bottom of the screen identified it as _The Virgin Suicides_.

With the TV off, Dan turned to give Jim his full attention. “I’m guessing, though, that you didn’t just come over here to criticize my childcare skills.” He pinned Jim with an icy blue stare that made it hard to remember that he was two, almost three, years younger than Jim. “What’s the deal?”

Jim shifted uncomfortably, feeling suddenly awkward and empty-headed even in spite of the apology he’d been mentally rehearsing for the past week or so.

“I wanted to say that I’m sorry,” he managed eventually. “For everything that happened recently. You know, with International Pine,” he tacked on clumsily.

Dan was an expert at maintaining a stoic expression, often walking around with an entirely blank face and not revealing an iota of emotion, much to the worry and frustration of his teachers at school. Jim himself had overheard Regan get multiple phone calls about it at his office in the stables.

Now, though, even Dan couldn’t disguise his unspoken response to Jim’s words: a cynical flicker in his eyes, the skeptical quirk of one eyebrow, the corners of his mouth briefly tugging upward into a small, humorless smile.

“ _Oh_ ,” he said, leaving it at that.

Jim frowned at him. “You don’t believe me.”

For a moment, Dan hesitated, as if unsure if he should reply, but then he just shrugged and looked at Jim directly. “Is there a reason why I should?”

Gaping, Jim could only stare at him in surprise for a moment. “What are you talking about?” he blurted. “We’re friends!”

This time Dan fixed him with a look that was outwardly disbelieving. “Really? Since when do friends plot to take each other’s homes away from them?”

Jim paused, studying Dan. “So you’re still really upset about that, huh?

“You were lobbying to take Mr. Maypenny’s land from him when he explicitly was opposed to selling it,” Dan said flatly. “I live with him, Jim. That place is my home. That man is like a father to me. So, yes, I’m still upset that all of my friends were perfectly okay with that happening, and that you were the one leading them.”

“But think of all the jobs the factory expansion would have provided for the town,” Jim retorted, trying to reason with him. “I know you and Mr. Maypenny were concerned about the environment—”

“No. Stop talking.” Dan briefly looked upward as if sending a silent request to the heavens for patience. Then he looked back at Jim. “Listen,” he began, his voice still level but betraying a hint of impatience. “It’s not about environmentalism. Do you get that? For me and Elijah Maypenny, the issue wasn’t about the effects that expanding the International Pine factory might have on the environment. Believe it or not, when we were about to _lose our home,_ that wasn’t our chief concern.”

“But you sided with the environmentalists,” Jim argued.

“Because they were the only ones fighting to help Mr. Maypenny keep his land, which you and your father were trying to swindle him out of,” Dan replied coldly. “It wasn’t about the environment for us. We didn’t have the luxury of aspirational goals for this situation. We just didn’t want to see our home bulldozed so that you and your father could play at being the great white knights who saved the town of Sleepyside.”

“Don’t you _dare_ talk about my father,” Jim ordered him, his voice rising even as he struggled to keep hold of his temper.

“Why not?” Dan returned carelessly. “He put himself right at the center of all of this. He’s the one who convinced you that it was okay to force Mr. Maypenny off his property. Can you honestly tell me that you would have changed your mind about that if it had been any other man who tried to persuade you?”

Jim wanted to respond, wanted to wrench open his mouth and tell Dan all the ways he was wrong, but found that he couldn’t. The question stung, and he wasn’t able to stop himself from wondering about its accuracy. _Had_ he been more worried about falling in line with his father’s ideas than standing up for his own?

Dan didn’t seem to begrudge his silence, only giving a weary shrug. “Don’t feel too bad about it. You’re not the first person in the world to trade in your beliefs to gain someone else’s approval. Hell, the reason I first joined the Bob-Whites was to get Regan’s.”

Distracted from his own inner musings, Jim found himself blinking at the new information. “Really?”

When Dan had first arrived in Sleepyside, he hadn’t seemed concerned with anyone’s approval, least of all his uncle’s.

“Truly,” Dan confirmed. “My mother had just died. I didn’t feel like making friends, and I definitely didn’t feel like making friends with all of you when Trixie had been running around and accusing me of everything and the Kennedy assassination. But because of her, and because Regan liked all of you and didn’t like me at all, I figured it wouldn’t be bad to throw in with you when I had the chance. Path of least resistance and all that, you know.”

“I didn’t know,” Jim admitted.

“It’s not like I never liked any of you. It just took some time,” Dan said sincerely. “But it’s also not like I see any of you as infallible people. I know some people might think I should spend the rest of my life trying to prove myself worthy of your friendship since you invited me into your club, but please, get _real._ I like all of you, and you’re my friends, but that doesn’t mean I’m willing to let you walk all over me just so you can impress your dad.” He threw a half-annoyed look around the room, ending it with a grimace. “Being conned into babysitting your younger siblings without pay is as far as I’ll go.”

Jim wanted to get back on topic, no matter how uncomfortable it might be for him. “But if you’re not still upset and you want to be friends, why won’t you accept my apology?”

Dan leaned back, contemplating Jim for a moment or two before responding. “Because I don’t think you mean it,” he eventually said, his voice unexpectedly gentle. “I don’t even think you know what you’re apologizing for.”

Jim was affronted. “ _Obviously_ I do—”

“Jim, initially you sided with Mr. Maypenny. Then your dad snaps his fingers and you side with him and start trying to convince Mr. Maypenny to sell his land, even though he’s told you he won’t do that. And then at the end of it, we find out that there’s a perfectly good sit, which  _doesn’t_ include Mr. Maypenny’s land, that International Pine could have been using for their expansion all along.” Dan eyed him with vague irritation. “That’s what really pisses me off about the whole thing. That there was an easy solution within reach the whole goddamn time, but you and your old man prefered to railroad us without even so much as checking for an alternative. And throughout all of this, not only did I have to deal with the stress of potentially losing the only home I’ve ever had since my parents died, but I got to find out that approximately _none_ of my friends were willing to help me fight to keep that home.”

With the last few words, any distance or coolness faded from Dan’s voice, giving way to actual legitimate frustration, and for the second time, Jim took a moment to consider what he was saying.

It hadn’t been his goal or his father’s goal to take away Dan and Mr. Maypenny’s home. In fact, Jim had been relieved when International Pine had decided to place their new offices at the old warehouse lot and not the preserve. It was a relief to no longer worry that the expansion would damage his friendships without repair.

And it hadn’t occurred to him how deeply he’d already damaged one of his friendships, even if that was never his intention. Even if he’d hope to avoid it.

It was time to make his apology, Jim knew. To apologize for everything.

“I’m sorry,” he said, and this time he was genuine. This time he knew exactly why he was offering the apology. Now it wasn’t simply a matter of appeasing Dan—it was a matter of honestly regretting what he’d done to Dan, at being so determined his plan was right for the town that he’d been blinded to any other solutions. “I didn’t realize how alone you felt. I didn’t realize how much pain I was causing you. You’re right about my dad and I jumping the gun and not looking hard enough for a way that would have let you keep your home. We should have done that from the beginning instead of trying to force Mr. Maypenny into selling.”

Jim looked at Dan, meeting his gaze directly. “I am truly, truly sorry about how it all happened. How my dad and I acted. How the BWGs acted. We didn’t mean to leave out in the cold, but that’s what we did, and now I can only apologize for it and do a better job next time.

Some of the coolness that seemed innate to Dan’s eyes faded as he looked at Jim, and he gave a slow nod. “I appreciate your apology, Jim. Right now . . . I’m not sure if I can accept it, but I do appreciate it.”

Picking up the remote, he fiddled with it for a moment, the first sign of unease he’d showed throughout their entire conversation.

“It just needs time,” Dan said at last, looking up to face Jim with a great reluctance. “ _I_ need time. When I realized what you would do to me, when I realized none of the others would stand up for me . . . Jesus, I’d rather have just been jumped by every one of you. Forget discouraging or disappointing, being utterly abandoned and left on my own like that was goddamn humiliating.” He let out a long breath. “And it’s going to take some time to forget about that.” He gave a small shrug. “I need time.”

“I can’t ask you for anything more than that,” Jim replied honestly. He reached out and to give Dan a supportive squeeze on the shoulder. “I’m just glad for you to give me and all the rest of us a second chance. Thank you, Dan.”

For the first time seen Jim had arrived at the Belden house, Dan offered him a sincere, if small, smile. “You’re welcome."

Jim said his goodbye and made his way back to the Manor House, feeling like a burden had been lifted from his shoulders even though he knew that he still had a challenge awaiting him.

But he would meet it readily. It might be a while before he gained Dan’s trust back, but Jim was determined that he would eventually make things right between them. It was one thing to speak an apology; it was another to show it through action.

Dan didn’t just need time. He needed proof that the Bob-Whites valued him as a friend.

And Jim would make sure he got it.


End file.
